Autisme / Hooggevoeligheid

“Je moet hem gewoon strenger aanpakken”
“Dat gedrag laat je toch niet toe?!”
“Je verwent hem teveel”
“Als mijn kind zo tegen mij zou praten, dan..”
“Hij moet leren om hetzelfde te zijn als alle andere kinderen”
“Je laat je kind toch niet de baas spelen over je?!”
“Je maakt een watje van hem”
“Als dat mijn kind was, had ik hem een paar tikken gegeven”

En zo kan ik nog wel 100 vergelijkbare zinnen opnoemen die mensen tegen mij hebben gezegd wanneer het ging om het gedrag van Adam.

🤍
Adam is hooggevoelig en heeft veel kenmerken van autisme. Het autisme spectrum stoornis is ontzettend breed, geen enkel kind met autisme is hetzelfde. Elk kind is uniek. Adam heeft kenmerken van Aspergers, in hetAdam heeft kenmerken van Aspergers, in het Engels: highfunctioning Autism. Ze worden vaak niet begrepen omdat ze de kenmerken van klassiek autisme niet hebben, en voor de buitenwereld vaak bestempeld worden als “vervelend kind”. Adam ziet er uit als een gemiddeld kind, aan zijn uiterlijk zou je niet zien dat zijn hersentjes toch anders werken dan gemiddeld.
Het filtertje in zijn hoofd, die alle prikkels en zintuigelijke waarnemingen moet filteren, werkt niet zoals bij de rest. Alles komt tegelijk binnen, en heel intens. Als er een overload aan prikkels zijn, is het voor hem moeilijk om daarmee om te gaan. Stel je eens voor dat je in een kamer zit waar er keihard geboord wordt, met felle bouwlampen en een vreselijk stinkende geur. Zo kan het (dagelijks) voelen voor een kind die hooggevoelig is en/of autisme heeft. Probeer daarom waar mogelijk prikkels in te perken. Wij gebruiken een “hebeke” moment, dit zetten wij in, nog voordat de “bom” ontploft. Even een momentje dat hij zich kan terugtrekken, alleen in een kamer met zijn iPad met zo min mogelijk prikkels (gordijnen dicht, geen externe geluiden/gepraat). Na 10 minuten is zijn hoofdje weer tot rust gekomen en kan hij weer gezellig meedoen. Hij heeft een paar keer op een dag even zo een rustpauze nodig.

Als we niet op tijd een rustpauze inlassen, kan dit leiden tot een woedeuitbarsting. De prikkels worden teveel, zijn hoofdje kan het niet meer aan, hij kan zijn emoties niet meer onder controle krijgen en dan ontploft er een bom. Schelden, schreeuwen, huilen (vroeger ook slaan), helemaal overstuur. Hier is waar het vaak misgaat: op dít moment worden kinderen gestraft, ze vertonen namelijk ‘onacceptabel gedrag’. Wanneer je nu pas ingrijpt, gooi je olie op het vuur. Op dit moment is hij namelijk niet meer tot reden vatbaar. Zijn emoties nemen de overhand. Eigenlijk best logisch toch? Kun jij nog luisteren als je zo ontzettend ‘boos’ bent? De truc is dus om te voorkomen dat ze tot dit punt komen. Het zijn de triggers, die dit gedrag veroorzaakt, waar we op moeten letten. We moeten ingrijpen wanneer we zien dat de prikkels teveel worden. Wanneer ze een beetje geïrriteerd beginnen te raken, is dit hun manier om aan te geven dat het even teveel wordt. Grijp dus op tijd in door even een rustpauze in te lassen voordat de bom ontploft.

🤍
Het zijn niet alleen de zintuigen die extra goed werken. Hij is ook extreem gevoelig. Hij kan emoties feilloos aanvoelen, en lichaamstaal heel goed aflezen. Het is daarom ontzettend belangrijk om je hier bewust van te zijn. Zit jij als ouder niet lekker in je vel, voelt een hooggevoelig kind dit aan. Ze zijn soms zo gevoelig dat ze jouw emoties en pijn overnemen. Wanneer Adam ziet dat iemand valt of pijn heeft, voelt hij pijn in zijn lichaam en kan hij daar zelfs misselijk van worden. Zo kunnen ze dus ook jouw geestelijke gesteldheid aanvoelen, daarom is het zo ontzettend belangrijk om als ouder goed voor jezelf te zorgen. Het concept “selfcare/zelfliefde” wordt zwaar onderschat. Wij als ouder cijferen onszelf vaak helemaal weg voor onze kinderen. Maar hier doen we onze kinderen juist geen plezier mee! Zorg altijd goed voor jezelf, zodat je goed voor andere kunt zorgen. Uit een leeg glas, kun je niets schenken.

🤍
Adam heeft veel behoefte aan regelmaat en routine. Als iets niet volgens planning gaat, kan dat ook een error veroorzaken. Als een planning wijzigt, probeer ik dit zoveel mogelijk en duidelijk te communiceren zodat hij zich mentaal kan voorbereiden.

🤍

Allah (swt) heeft Adam gezegend met een uitzonderlijk stel hersens. Ik zie geen beperkingen, ik zie talenten. Adam is ontzettend intelligent, hij is uitzonderlijk goed in sport, rekenen en memoriseren. Ik focus me daarom vooral op zijn talenten, en stimuleer dit ook zoveel mogelijk. Allah (swt) heeft niet zomaar kindjes met autisme gemaakt. Ze zijn Allahoema bareek zo een aanwinst voor de wereld. Adam heeft prachtige eigenschappen, die velen kindjes met autisme ook hebben, zoals een sterk gevoel voor RECHTVAARDIGHEID, zijn altijd heel EERLIJK en heel erg LOYAAL. Hun karakter is zo puur.

🤍
Allah (swt) heeft mij uitgekozen als moeder van Adam alhamdoulilah. Wat een eer dat Hij mij heeft gekozen als opvoedster. Wanneer je ze de juiste Adaab (gewoontes) aanleert volgens de Quran en Sunnah zullen ze opgroeien tot uitzonderlijk vrome moslims in sha Allah. Hun natuurlijke aanleg is namelijk onzettend sterk ontwikkeld in het doen van ‘het goede’. Autisme is geen beperking, het is een zegening van Allah (swt).

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